Tuesday, 26 April 2016 | 09:39 | 0 sweethearts
guess i'm not in the mood of anything? leuls.
now let's talk about beautiful. pretty. yeah, pretty is a reaaaally subjective matter. like who cares if you're not pretty in the others' eyes as long as you're the prettiest in mine? gittuww~
but still, pretty is sadly, a standard that had been set up by the society nowadays.
you got noticed when you're pretty.
you're perfect, kind, loved by everyone when you're pretty.
well, obviously, people feel so proud if they become friend with someone that is pretty.
a few days ago, i saw arlina banana's tweet one my tlist. someone did rt-ing that because i don't follow her lol. idk if it's just me or what but what she did posting really struck(?) into my heart u.u
this is it.
i'm going to answer the question one by one here since i don't want to reveal my weaknesses in my twitter (you know there's so many eyes there i kinda hate it where's my freedom i demand my freedom back! >-<") and yes, my blog is like a non-existence website which people barely knows about it and IF, if they know most of them may had forgotten it because i haven't update anything since zillion years ago. voila.
1. yes, not one particular aspect but a lot of it. like why my face is so round? or etc...
2. yes. my thighs. or i should say, my lower body, i considered it as big so i danced a lot to keep it toned up. and it won't work good bye everyone /flying kisses/ huhuhu. here's my ult weakness, i can't do sit up. like really can't. because i can't lift my body up gahahahahaha i knowwww it's an excuse but shutup you know how heavy your head is? because mine is heavy. :p
3. yes, everyday. everytime. every single time.
4. yes. okay not really. they didn't really did that. so i never considered myself as 'looking fine'.
5. really? THE ANSWER IS YES. YES YES YES YES. i did. it was hideous. it was like an ungrateful thoughts because Allah had created me this perfect but i still want more. it was really unbelievable but that's the truth. i did. especially at that time when i first losing my self-esteem.
that's the reason why i said, losing your self-esteem is the worst thing ever. you couldn't be yourself. you can't love yourself either. back then i was full of confidence. i know i wasn't that pretty or what but because of these high self-confidences, i never let myself down. to that extend.
but yeah, there was a time when i finally realized that i wasn't even reaching the beauty standard that this society set up. it was a bad memories. getting mocked by because of your appearance wasn't so appealing. getting laughed at behind your back. that was the exact moment that i let myself down. i lose my self-esteem.
so bad. to the point that i hate myself.
i never really considered myself as pretty anymore.
years passed and now i gain a lil bit of my long lost self-confidence. which i started to wear make-ups, lol me. but not too much since i never really take part in those highlighting or contouring my face. those things are expensive you know i'd rather spend my money on skincare products hukhuk.
but tbh i admit, i got flustered if some strangers compliment me. because it's hard to believe. i don't think i'm that pretty. in my eyes, everyone is beautiful. so much beautiful, except me.
isn't it funny?
all you need is mistreating someone and boom! she turns into a monster. she keep drawing of her ugly version of self and correcting it with red pens. the part that she wants to fix. all the parts that she can fix. the person that she wants to be so bad. a perfection.
Alhamdulillah i am so grateful that i have Him. He is the one i rely on to. :))))
this is the reason why i hate it when people says that they don't care about appearances because all that matter is a good heart. just stop your ugly lies when you only want to look at a beautiful person. who cares about heart as long as that person is beautiful af?
don't try to deny it. i tried to be a person with a good heart without a perfect appearance. what did they do? do they even care? heh.
i'm not discouraging everyone to stop being a good person but i'm here stating the reason why i hate such bullshitting lies. stop it. stop giving people false hope.
here's the advice. never look at someone with a mocking looks. or laugh mockingly at someone. you never know what is going on inside them. please be nice to others. okay? (: