Saturday, 7 February 2015 | 19:24 | 0 sweethearts
"Baby don't cry, tonight,"
I've had a test yesterday. Financial accounting punya subjek. Macam sekejap je baru masuk kolej balik, sekarang dah mid-term. Ayooo pejam celik pejam celik nanti bulan tiga dah final. Pastu cuti yezza!! Hahaha :p
Dan Alhamdulillah, test semalam aku boleh jawab. Em em boleh laaa kan kalau nak banding test masa part 1 dulu. Berjejeh air mata sambil buat ledger. ;-; and what I've been praying for really happen. I mean yeah, I pray to Him so that the partnership ques are easy, no partners went out from the business due to their illness, or even dead. Its just new partner came into the business and we don't need to fening-fening kapala nak buat capital+current statement. Pastu shares punya soalan pun sonang, Alhamdulillah again. Didn't need to calculate the total goodwill or whatever related to the net profit yang tetiba ada dept mencelah.
Okay suddenly I'm talking abt my subject.
Minggu ni pun ada test lagi. Tiga. Kemain weh dengan karnival selambak, meeting sebemban, dah lah ada grooming session dengan Mary Kay. Time kitorang punya kelas pulak tu. Kohaja semua ni hmp! :\
|Why secuteee? :3|
Yknow what, sometimes I do hope that I'll be a harsh girl, a mischievous, maybe a bit rude, or actually, a girl who isn't afraid to tell the world what she really feels at that time. A girl who isn't afraid to hurt people's heart, who will be able to show her anger whenever she's mad. To show her tears whenever she's sad.
I really hope to be like this.
But seeesh, I can't.
Why do I always think about the other's feelings, huh? Even if I'm angry, why can't I talk harshly to them, rising my voice towards them like they always did to me?
It hurts when you keep your feelings bottled up inside you by yourself. Rasa macam bodoh. Macam.... Macam..... Entah. Marah tapi takleh nak cakap. Sentap tapi takleh nak tunjuk. Jealous tapi takleh nak marah. Even time marah pun aku boleh cover cakap lembut-lembut, senyum. Shit.
Kadang-kadang bila aku tengah marah, aku duduk sorang-sorang. Scolding alone as if the person is right in front of me. Imagining things and the consequence of what will happen if I ever show my anger. And its scary tbh. I don't wanna be a monster :(((
Aku sebenarnya tak sampai hati nak lukakan dorang. Aku tak suka marah-marah. But then when I didn't show my feelings, my anger, they stepped on me. Because they think that I'm easy. "Lek la, Zakiah dah lah penyabar, manede marah-marah.." They think that that is a ticket, to treat me like whatever they want.
But they don't know. Even if I never show my bad side, tolong lah paham. Common sense kot. Kau suka ke bila cakap leklok, orang balas marah-marah?
I just...... don't wanna make more sins, since I've already had many..
Things are bottling up inside me.
This person will always be a good girl. A sweet Zakiah. A never-really-got-angry Zakiah. A naiveeee Zakiah. A cool Zakiah, a speak-gently Zakiah. Little that they know, it was an act.
And this acting is swallowing me up, somehow.