La Petite Princesse ♥



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Thursday, 4 September 2014 | 23:51 | 0 sweethearts
Assalamualaikum

"No one ever said that it would be this hard,"

:'(

My grandpa had gone. Forever. Innalillahiwainnailaihiraajiun..
Dan aku tetap tak balik untuk tengok arwah buat kali terakhir. Dah lah time sakit aku tak ziarah, time arwah dah takde pun aku still kat sini. Rasa macam cucu yang paling tak guna sekali dalam dunia ni tskkk TT

That day when I heard the news that Ladies Code had met an accident, the day Eunbi (LC member) was died because of the accident, and the day when my atuk left this world. Tbh I won't forget the date. Never. :(


Masa aku call mak aku, kakcik yang jawab. I was about to cry but I talked calmly with her. Ye la, kau kan kakak. Takkan lah kau nak tunjuk lemah depan adik kau kan? Eventho aku memang cepat nangis nak banding dengan kakcik yang ganaih tu hehe. Then I called my mom. She's a strong woman, haven't I told you before? Mak aku tak nangis sangat, sebab Mak aku kate dia kena kuat demi nenek aku.

Sebab nenek aku sangat sedih sampai taknak makan bila atuk dah meninggal. Arwah atuk aku dengan nenek aku ni sweet tau, dorang kahwin mase nenek aku 13 tahun, arwah atuk aku pulak 20 tahun. Pastu arwah atuk aku dulu dia punya lah manjakan nenek aku, Allah, tak boleh nak gambarkan cemana. Ape yang nenek aku mintak mesti dapat. Sampai ke tua ceni, ye la orang tua kan ade penyakit, nenek aku mintak makanan manis ke, benda-benda yang dia tak boleh makan, arwah atuk mesti masakkan untuk nenek. Alasannya sebab nenek teringin nak makan. Pastu nanti dua dua duduk kat kerusi malas, sembang sambil gegelak sama-sama. :'>

Entah. Aku rase dorang sweet. Dah ada cucu pun masih masak sama-sama, luangkan masa berdua. Maybe sebab tu lah nenek aku terlampau sedih bila atuk aku meninggal..

Esoknya aku pergi kuliah dengan muka toya. Siap buat lawak macam takde pape.

Yes.

I told them that I'm okay.

But I'm crying inside.

It's hurt. To pretend that you're strong in front of everyone. To laugh and smile happily but deep inside you know that you're faking everything. To hold your tears so that nobody will see it. To wait for everyone falling asleep so that you can read yaasin and cried alone every night. To be longing for his hugs and kisses. Damn its hurt.

And because I don't trust ppl anymore. Showing my real feelings seems like showing my own weakness which they can use to against me later. Though I don't want that to be happen. But it's a precaution. I've been wasting so much tears during my school years. I've been crying so many times in front of everyone during my school years. Kite tak boleh husnudzon sepanjang masa kan? Sebab orang yang pernah mengaku kawan baik kite pun boleh backstab kite. Apatah lagi orang lain.


But still, somehow I wish that somebody will hug me and tell me I'm not okay. Force me to cry. Because holding it in is so much painful for me rn.



Ah well Zakiah Zaki, what do you expect girl?


Ain't nobody cares tho. Ain't nobody.


Be strong Zakiah. For the sake of your mom.

Adieu.


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